The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again, “said the … Read more
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the … Read more
Three men were having a drink together at the local pub. The first one says, “… You know, where I’m from, there’s a bar called “O’Kelly’s”, where you buy a drink, then you buy another drink, and then O’Kelly himself buys you a drink. “ The second man then says, “Well…where I’m from, there’s a … Read more
A drunk goes to court. The judge says, ‘You’ve been brought here for drinking.’ The drunk says, ‘Great. Let’s get started.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior – there’s the best Club in the city. Let’s you and me stop in and have a drink. “ “But we’re private, “protests Junior. “NO, we’s sergeants now, “says … Read more
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well, “he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” … Read more
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: “Waiter! Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!” “Please don’t speak so loudly, sir, “said the waiter, “or everyone will want one. “ This joke … Read more
A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. The bartender says “What will it be?” The sandpaper goes “Just something to take the edge off” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
“Mom, can I buy some heels?” “No. “ Mom, can I buy a bra?” “No. “ “Mom, can I buy a dress?” “No. “ “Mom, can I buy a Barbie doll?” “No. You never let me buy anything!” “Shut up, Justin. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order … Read more
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see … Read more