The Kitchen Light – Mom See
“Mom, did you see my pills? They write LSD on the box outside!” “Screw the pills, didn’t you see the dragons in the kitchen?” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Jokes Ltd
Weekend Retreat
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to … Read more
Drop Off Otherwise
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a … Read more
Flight Attendants
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain, “came the reply, “except the lawyers … Read more
Politician Interrupted Well
A politician went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: “Sir, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side. “ The politician interrupted, “Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody … Read more
Others Raise
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. “That’s my pager, “he says. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm. “ A few minutes later a phone rings. The second … Read more
Cousin Dan
A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will. “To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million, “the attorney reads. “To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I left … Read more
Drunk Shouts Hit
Two drunks are sitting side by side in a bar. One of the drunks goes to the bathroom but neglects to button up his fly when he’s finished. He staggers back to the bar, sits on a bar stool, and his penis flops out on the bartop. The other drunk yells, ‘Snake!’ and hits the … Read more
Windy Isn’t
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Battery Acid
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. “You just won’t believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I’ve never seen anything like it. “ “Oh yes dear, what happened?” “I came across two guys down by the canal, … Read more