Jokes Ltd Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. “Well, go in the bushes. “ “What should I use to wipe my ass?” “Use a dollar bill. “ A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with shit all over his … Read more
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s … Read more
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he’s done any good. The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. The man says, “I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany. The score was 0-0 and there was … Read more
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. “I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?” “Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off … Read more
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining to a prospective patient. He told her, “I’ll install a special screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need a little tuck, we’ll just tighten the screw a little,… and … Read more
Jimmy said to his friend, ‘can you lend me $100?’ ‘But I only have $50,’ his friend replied. That’s OK, you can always owe me the other $50! This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says “no, let me see the next room. “ In the second room, … Read more
An Englishman, an Irish man, and a Scottish man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, “We will give you one thing before you die. “ The Englishman says “water”, the Scotch man says “whiskey”, the Irish man says “a car door”. The Germans say, “Why do you want … Read more
A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk. When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You … Read more
Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday. ‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle. “Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’ Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.