Jokes Ltd A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seatmate. “I’ve got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?” “I should let you know first that I am a policeman. “ “That’s OK. I’ll tell it to you really slowly!” This joke is included … Read more
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a … Read more
Two friends meet each other on the street. “Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill. “Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. “I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. “It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a … Read more
A man and his wife, both recently retired, went into town to buy some milk and bread. They were only in the store for about five minutes, but when they came out, they noticed a police officer writing a parking ticket, clearly about to place it on their car. “Come on, man, how about giving … Read more
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, “How would you like … Read more
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the … Read more
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. … Read more
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, “Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks. “ The second guy says, “I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch. “ The third guy says, … Read more
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 65, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 28, won a … Read more
At a parole hearing, the officer asked, “Tell me, why should you be released early?” The inmate responded, “It’s bec… “ Officer: “Yes?” Inmate: “I think I have. . “ Officer: “Go on. “ Inmate: “Can I Please finish my sentence?” Officer: “Sure. Parole denied. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of … Read more